Saturday, October 16, 2010

30 Posts in 30 Days - Day Fifteen and Sixteen

Master List
Day 1 - your favorite song
Day 2 - your favorite movie
Day 3 - your favorite television program
Day 4 - your favorite book
Day 5 - your favorite quote
Day 6 - 20 of your favorite things
Day 7 - a photo that makes you happy
Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 9 - a photo you took
Day 10 - a photo taken over 10 years ago of you
Day 11 - a photo of you recently
Day 12 - something you are OCD about
Day 13 - a fictional book
Day 14 - a non-fictional book
Day 15 - your dream house
Day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 - an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc)
Day 18 - my wedding/future wedding/past wedding
Day 19 - a talent of yours
Day 20 - a hobby of yours
Day 21 - a recipe
Day 22 - a website
Day 23 - a youtube video
Day 24 - where you live
Day 25 - your day, in great detail
Day 26 - your week, in great detail
Day 27 - your worst habit
Day 28 - what's in your handbag/purse
Day 29 - hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 - a dream for the future

I didn't post my 15th post yesterday because I didn't feel right given what day it was.  The 15th was about Kyle and all the other Angel Babies being remembered.

Day 15's post is a little difficult.  I have thoughts on what the house would physically look like, but those aren't the important things.  Give that yesterday was all about Angle Babies, it's what my house would be filled with that weighs most heavily on my mind.  My dream house would have Jack and Kyle and their sisters ***** and ****** (I don't feel right typing the names since they may one day be here and I am not quite ready to speak their names).  I have always wanted a house with 2 boys and 2 girls.  A nice big front yard with the children and their friends playing in it.  A huge back yard with room for bonfires and tents for camping.  A swing set with a slide and a sandbox that meets an ocean - or at least appears that way to the mind of a little child.  My house would be the one all the kids would play at.  It would be a happy house with no dark clouds over it.

Day 16's post is an easy one for me - Kenny Chesney "Who you'd be today."  I cannot hear this song and not think about Kyle and what my life would be like if he were here with Jack and I.  How would I be different?  How would Jack be different?  Would Kyle's hair have stayed brown like mine, or been light like Jack's?  Would he have had brown eyes?  Would he be the quite, laid back little boy he appeared to be in the NICU?  Would he and Jack be chasing each other through the house yelling in their own twin language?  Would I be a different mommy if I didn't feel like half of me was missing and that even when I hold Jack my arms still feel not quite as full as they should?  I can only imagine this list of questions will grow as time goes by.  As Jack grows and learns more and more things I will wonder what Kyle would be doing.  I fear Jack will never have another sibling and that he will never get the chance to be a big brother.  Even if there is another baby in the future for me, Jack will never know what it is like to go through life with a twin.

No comments:

Post a Comment