Vent

Some people are truly put on this earth to make life miserable for others.  This, I truly believe.  I have people like this in my life; I will call them the DarkSide.  The individuals from the DarkSide have said some things that are truly hurtful.  Compared what they have said in the past this may seem extremely minor, but still it's just another reason you shouldn't have to like, or pretend to like people - even if they are related some how to you.

The latest offering from the DarkSide comes in relation to my little guy's Christmas list.  Yes, the list is large, but his birthday is in April and I figured that rather than create a whole new list in a few short months it would be easier to edit this one as his tastes change.  But I digress, that is not the issue that led to the snide comments.  The issue that was taken was with two items on the list, both motorcycles.  Yes, I know my little guy is too small for the bigger of the two and it really was more of a joke given that someone from the HappySide of the family has a Ducati motorcycle. 

Instead of looking at the fact that there are items for as little as $5 on the list, that is has everything from crayons to CDs to books to new bedding on the list, or that you spent twice as much on other children as directly related to you - you choose to offer snide comments about the fact that I have a $330 motorcycle on the list?!?!?!  I don't like you.  You irritate me.  You have never once come to see my son since he's been home from the NICU.  You didn't share his first Christmas or first birthday - you did with the other children, but not my son.

And don't even get me started on how anything that comes out of your mouth is a criticism.  Instead of supporting me in creating a charity in memory of my son, you offer unwanted and unsolicited opinions.  Have you given so much as $1 to help?  NO!  You are an awful person, you come from an awful person and I truly hope karma puts you and those like you in your place.  Oh, and I hop karma whispers my name when it happens so you know I was thinking about you.

Free for all Friday / Friday Follies

Really, since when do doctors do exams in nightclubs?

Fake doctor jailed for giving breast exams in bars

By Laura Zuckerman Laura Zuckerman

SALMON, Idaho (Reuters) – An Idaho judge has set bond at $100,000 for a Boise woman police say posed as a physician and duped at least two other women into having their breasts examined by her at Boise-area nightclubs.

Kristina Ross, 37, remains in Ada County Jail in Boise on two felony counts of practicing medicine without a license.

Police say Ross introduced herself to victims -- one at a downtown Boise bar and the other at a nightclub in a Boise suburb -- as a plastic surgeon named Berlyn Aussieahshowna, a name that turned out to be bogus.

The two women told Boise officers they believed Ross was a physician because of her apparent medical knowledge, and they agreed to undergo what they thought were breast exams, which happened at the bars.

As part of her ruse, Ross gave the women the telephone number of a real licensed plastic surgeon in Boise, the state capital, authorities said.

Staff at that medical office became alarmed at the number of calls they received from women in recent weeks attempting to confirm appointments or surgeries with a Berlyn Aussieahshowna, according to charging documents.

Medical workers on Tuesday alerted Boise police about the pattern, and they later arrested Ross.

The suspect's gender is unclear. Idaho court records show that Ross was arrested for petty theft in the spring and that the arrest warrant was issued to a Kristoffer Jon Ross.

The Idaho Statesman website reported that Ross has a previous criminal record as a man but identifies herself as a woman and was booked into Ada County Jail as a female.

Cosmetic surgical procedures Ross discussed with victims after she touched their breasts under the guise of a medical evaluation included breast augmentation and liposuction.

The court on Wednesday found Ross was eligible for a public defender and set a preliminary hearing on the two felony charges for December 1. If convicted, Ross could face a maximum of five years in prison and a fine of up to $10,000 for each count

Today's Freebie - A letter from Santa!

Cute, right?  How about a "Nice" certificate to go with it?  I'm not crazy about the ones I could find for free (I did link the one below to the site I found it on), so I am going to make my own.  Are you interested?

You can find the one below here - along with a Naughty List for an adult you know.

Isn't it beautiful?

By Kristi @

Thoughtful Thursday

How are you being too hard on yourself?

Hmm, thought provoking it is.  I am too hard on myself about my weight, about where I am as far as a job goes, about what I could have done differently in my pregnancy and while the boys were in the NICU, and about the fact that I don't have enough money to do the things I want to with Jack.

My weight I am working on.  I've made the huge decision to have gastric banding.  It's a big step and one that scares me, but I can't be my age and in this poor of health.  I will never be an active mommy for Jack and I will never have any other children.  I want to live to see Jack grow up and have a family of his own.

As far as my job goes, I like where I am, it's just not what I see myself doing forever.  I really want to be in a field where I can help people.  I am working on getting my Masters in Psychology.  Cross your fingers for me.

Oh so many regrets when it comes to my pregnancy.  I am not sure I can even sum them up here.  The biggest one is I feel I let Kyle down.  I'm the mommy, shouldn't I have know he was sick before it was too late?

And as far as money goes you can't be cancer free until you cut off the tumor.  In due time I will remove that problem.  In the mean time I will work to get my degree and start making a better life for myself and my son.

Yoga Time
Cat-Cow Pose
Duration: 1-3 minutes
Inhale in cow pose / exhale in cat pose

Cow - Top picture

Cat - Bottom picture

Kyle's Page

Katy & Kristie at Anchored by Hope have been very busy girls.

Thank you so much for all your hardwork ladies!

Wordful Wednesday

Found this one during an Internet search for more survey.  Oh my it is long (stop giggling)!

Name: Gwen
Sex: Female
Birth date: June 6
Location: Chicago 'Burbs
Height: 5'2"
Eye color: Brown
Hair color: Brown
What does your name mean: It is of Welsh origin, and the meaning of Gwendolyn is " fair bow; blessed ring".
High school graduation year: 1991
Favorite relatives: The HappySide
Summer memory: Riding bikes and going to Convenient with Erich and Angie
Favorite TV shows: Ugh, I watch way too much TV, crime dramas are my favs
What’s on your mousepad: @ work, Tigger, none at home
In the car- ac or windows: Def AC, I hate being too hot
Do you believe in yourself: Not nearly as much as I should
Favorite game: Monopoly (board game), Rummy (card game), FrontierVille (FB game), 7-Up (dice game)
Favorite drink: Coke, I shall miss it after my surgery
Favorite food: Quonset pizza
Favorite colors: Blue
Favorite cigarettes: Yuk! None!
Favorite sounds: Jack's laugh
Favorite smell: Jack after a bath
Worst feeling in the World: Missing Kyle
Best feeling in the World: Holding Jack
Favorite thing to do on a weekend: Play with Jack, escape into net space with FB
Favorite soundtrack: Cutting Edge "Toe Pick!"
Where do you see yourself in 10 years: A ------ (omitted to avoid confrontation) mommy of 3
First thought in the morning: Ugh, do I have to go to work?
Do you get motion sickness: Nope
Rollercoasters- deadly or exciting: Exciting
How many rings before you answer the phone: I am notorious for not answering my phone.
Future son names: Hoping for two daughters next.  No other boy's names picked out
Future daughter names: Can't share here - okay maybe since you asked so nice Kacey Jean Kay and Kelsey Dorthea Faye, also like Kylee in memory of Kyle, and Caledonia Rose Marie - Callie for short and probably spelled with a K.
Are you a good friend: Nope, really should be a better one
Chocolate or Vanilla cake: Vanilla
What do you drive: Chevy Silverado
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: Yep, my Pooh bear, he goes with me every time I travel, even if it's just across the boarder into WI
Thunderstorms cool or scary: Awesome!
If you could meet one person in the World, who would it be: Living or dead?  Dead - Stevie Ray Vaughn.  Living - Tony Stewart
What is your zodiac sign: Gemini
What do you wear to bed: Comfy pants and T
Do you eat stems of broccoli: Don't eat any part of broccoli
Guys- If a girl ever asked you for the shirt on your back, would you
give it to her?
Girls- Would you ever ask a guy for his shirt? Probably not
If you could have any occupation when you get older, what would it be: Psychologist
If you could dye your hair one color, what would it be: Like my hair color now
If you could have a tattoo, what and where would it be: I have 3 and plans for 2 more
Favorite brand of gum: Orbit?  Don't really chew gum.
What is your favorite quote: "There's always cats in pants."
Have you ever been in love: Yep
What’s on your walls in your room: Pictures of Jack
Is the glass half-empty or half-full: I'm ashamed to say it's usually half-empty
Pick a song that describes yourself or that you can relate to: Nobody's Girl
Which do you prefer- Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese Doritos: Cool Ranch
Favorite flavor Snapple: Pink Lemonade
Which one, Coke or Pepsi: Coke
Which kind of milk is your favorite: 1%, strawberry please
If you were to kill someone, which method would you use? I would never.  I'm getting enough bad karma and I don't know why.
Are you a righty, lefty, or ambidextrous: Righty
Do you type with your fingers on the right keys: Kind of
When you meet a person of the opposite sex, you notice their: Face
If you could be one gardening tool, which one would it be: Watering can
What kind of shoe would you be if you had an option: Sneaker
What’s under your bed: Dust monsters
What’s the best number in the World: 13
What is your dream car: Paid for
Who is your biggest crush right now: Tony Stewart
Nickname: Don't really have one, but I was G Lo before George Lopez was.
School: Adler
Bacon Bits Or croutons: Croutons, why is this question on every survey?
Favorite salad dressing: 1000 Island
Do you drink: Not really
What type of Shampoo/Conditioner: Fructis, Suave
Have you ever been skinny dipping: Yep
Do you make fun of people: Yes, but not for anything out of their control
Have you ever been convicted of a crime: Nope
Best friends online/offline: Carol, KJ
One pillow or two: 2
Pets: Milo & Mishka
Favorite Movies: Anything but a chick flick
Favorite type of music: All
Hobbies: Blogging, crafts, reading
Word or Phrase you overuse: Um
Toothpaste: Colgate cinnamon (hard to find)
Piercing or tattoos: 4 and 3
Do you get along with your parents: Yes
Favorite beer: Corona
Favorite song at the moment: California Gurls
Favorite subject in school: Math
Least favorite subject in school: History
Most humiliating moment: Teen Years
Craziest or Silliest Person You Know: Jack
Favorite Holiday: Halloween
Now are you glad you know more about me?  :-)

Today I . . .

I am not so sure that today's "Today I . . ." is about me.  It's more about standing up and deciding to start taking bigger steps and more action to get the word about Kyle's Angels out there.

I am also the chairperson of the Charity Committee at work.  Last year we collected over $700 from less than 40 employees.  Awesome for being such a small company.  That turned into over $1400 with the matching funds from the company.  We were able to do so much good and it truly warmed out hearts.

This year I feel like a complete failure as a chairperson.  We have two donations.  I know times are tough and money is tight.  But with the matching you donation is doubled!  $20 becomes $40!

Anyway this got me to thinking about Kyle's Angels and how I will likely be unable to fulfill the wishes of the NICU staff.  You see last year due to problems with PayPal I covered most of the cost of the donations.  Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining about that.  This year is something different though.  Due to poor money management by someone other than myself I am paying a very large consequence.  Money is tight.  I had accepted that I would be paying for the cost of the Angel Baby Balloon Release out of pocket.  I have maybe enough to cover the cost of the gifts for the individual babies.  But I don't have the money to cover the wish list of the NICU staff.  And I am still hoping a generous pizza place will at least discount pizza for the staff on Christmas, but this too will be paid out of pocket.

So, Today I . . . placed an ad in a local paper to get the word out about Kyle's Angels 2010 wish list.

The Ad:

Please help support babies in the NICU.  Kyle’s Angels desperately needs your help.  We are in need of gently used and new crib music players.  Please check us out at www.KylesAngels.com to find out how to help us.  Knitters and quilters are also desperately needed.

The wish list of the NICU staff:
For Christmas the big suggestions from the girls in the NICU for mobiles and musical items (or even like sound machines--white noise , waves etc.)

So, for anyone reading this who has little ones who no longer need their crib music, would you please consider donating them to Kyle's Angels?  If you cannot help by donating, can you please tell your family and friends and ask them to tell their family and friends?Also a nurse is taking on the project of making 60 new quilts by next Christmas for the NICU...
Then if there was anything left over $$$$ wise Auntie Karen has an idea I would like to do--our isolette covers and blankets we hang on big cribs are awful looking. I would like to work on making new quilt coverings so if there was any money left I would welcome any kind of a donation for materials toward this project. My goal is 60 new quilts by next Christmas (would like to put them all in circulation at once so the nursery is brighter at the beginning of the year). I will be funding this on my own which is fine with me but if you would like to contribute I would also love that.

Not everyone loves a Monday, but everyone loves _____

Not everyone loves a Monday, but everyone loves Shrinky Dinks!

Seriously, how much fun were these when we were kids?  I had forgotten about them until something dusted off the memory from my brain and made em think about them again.  And wouldn't you know it - I saw them in the store the other day!  Shrinky Dinks still exist!!

They have Shrinky Dinks jewelry, insects, aliens, robots, flowers, and so many more!  Check out the original web site or the long list of different Shrinky Dinks available at Amazon.

I remember coloring the special paper with the colored pencils and oh so carefully cutting out the designs.  Then I would beg the nearest adult to bake them in the oven for me.  I don't think I could find one I made if my life depended on it.  But I know there were tons.

Shrinky Dinks were invented in 1973 by Betty Morris and Kathryn Bloomberg of Brookfield, Wisconsin, as a Cub Scout project with their sons.  The first kits were sold at a local shopping mall and became very popular. Shrinky Dinks were soon licensed to be manufactured by the major toy companies of the time such as Milton Bradley, Colorforms, Western Publishing and Skyline Toys.

Did you not love Shrinky Dinks?

Family Day

Sundays are family days.  On Sundays I will be posting a story from my childhood or about something current with Jack.  I will try to include a recipe from something I would consider a "Sunday" dinner.

Today my dad came over for dinner.  It's been a while since we've seen him and he's seen Jack.  Over the summer we went to a baseball game a month.  I bought him tickets to a game each month starting with Father's Day.  They were his present from Jack.  It was the first year for the Lake County Fielders, and unfortunately it was not a good first year, but that's something you expect with a team that's just beginning.  Regardless of the outcome of the games or the season, we had an awesome time.  I did this so that I could make sure that he got out of the house and spent time with Jack.  My dad isn't a terribly social person.  If left alone I am convinced he would get up, go to work, come home, watch TV, go to bed, get up and start the cycle over again.

Anyway, something got me thinking about the day Jack got out of the hospital.  I cannot even remember what I was thinking, but I called my dad and asked him if he wanted to meet us for dinner.  Why I would take this newly released from the NICU infant to a restaurant is beyond me now, but we did.  That was a Friday. 

The next day, Saturday, my aunt Kathy came over to visit us on her way to a wedding near where we live.  My aunt, who is not particularly baby inclined, asked to hold Jack.  Still, each time she see Jack she is excited to see him and play with him.  My aunt, who never had kids, never held kids, never watched kids is absolutely in love with my son.

On Sunday, my dad came over and spent some time with Jack.  I will never forget the look on his face when he finally got to hold his grandson for the first time.  After a difficult pregnancy, an early birth, the passing of Kyle and 72 days in the NICU, my father finally held his grandchild.  It wasn't his first (I had a miscarriage before the boys were conceived) and hopefully it won't be his last (no siblings here, but I hope to give Jack another brother or sister, or two). 

Jack is named after my parents - James Patrick, get it Ja(mes Patri)ck.  Jack is a special little boy.  I still get people who randomly stop me and tell me what a beautiful child he is.  They remark about his eyes and how happy he is.  If only they knew the story that comes before that day.

So today I made a pork roast from a kit I found while grocery shopping.  It was from Tyson and it had the pork roast, veggies and seasoning all in one package (vegetable sealed separately from the veggies).  I bought it on a whim.  It was the only on and it was only $10 for a pretty sizable piece of meat.  I knew once I saw it I would call my dad and invite him over for dinner.  Good luck finding these in your supermarket.  I searched the Internet to see if Tyson had other kits like maybe a beef roast and I couldn't find them.  They're not on the Tyson web site.  If you do see a kit in your fresh meat section (that's where I found mine) buy it!  Pop it in your crock pot and enjoy an awesome fall Sunday dinner.

If you can't find it, try making your own:

4 to 5 lbs. loin end roast
1 clove garlic, sliced
2 med. onions, sliced
1 bay leaf
1 whole clove
1 c. hot water
2 tbsp. Worcestershire sauce

Rub roast with salt and pepper. make tiny slits in meat and insert slivers of garlic. In crock pot put 1 sliced onion on bottom. Add roast then remaining onion and other ingredients. Cover and cook 1 hour on high. Turn to low and cook 9 to 10 hours or until done. GRAVY: Remove roast, onions, clove and bay leaf. In separate cup or bowl, blend 2 tablespoons cold water with 2 tablespoons cornstarch to form smooth paste. Set crockpot on high and pour in paste. Stir well and let come to a boil (10 to 15 minutes) until thickened

**Personally I would add red potatoes, carrots, and a couple cans of Veg-All.

Saturday Morning Funnies

I miss good, old Saturday morning cartoons.  Do you remember the ones from the 1990s?  How about the 1980s?  Cartoons like Alvin and the Chipmunks, Smurfs, Snorks, Shirt Tales, and on and on.  So I decided that I would try to find a cartoon from the 1980s or 1990s and post it here (or a link to it).

 

And today it Caturday!

 

Free for all Friday / Friday Follies

Fridays I will be posting a weird new story, a freebie I have heard of, or just soemthing that nkes you think - WHAT!?!?!?

You won't cover that, but you will cover what now?
Belt-Tightening Greeks: In October, Greece's largest health insurance provider announced, in a letter to a diabetes foundation, that it would no longer pay for the special footwear that diabetics need for reducing pain but suggested it would pay instead for amputation, which is less expensive. The decision, which the foundation said is not supported by the international scientific literature, was published in the prominent Athens newspaper To Vima (The Tribune) and reported by the U.S. news site DailyCaller.com. [Daily Caller, 10-11-10]

Today's internet search for freebies brought me to Smashbox Cosmetics.  Free jumbo samples, free gifts on Tuesdays and Thursdays, free shipping, and a free gift with your order this week!  If you like to try new cosmetics here's one that gives you lots of incentive to buy from them -  http://www.smashbox.com/Offers-page

Thoughtful Thursday

On Thursdays I will be posting questions meant to make you think, and of course my answers to them.  As a bonus I will also include a simple Yoga pose and / or a stress relief technique.

Today's question is - Are you living in the present?

As most mommies of Angel Babies will tell you, this is a difficult thing to do.  Personally for me it is a minute by minute thing.  I can be here today, 19 months after my boys were born, but then something will take me back.  It can be something so simple that I wouldn't even equate with Kyle.  For example let's say I see a woman in a red coat.  I might think to myself that I don't really care for the color red.  My favorite color is blue.  Blue is for boys.  I was so happy to find out on a cold day in February 2009 that I was expecting twin boys.  Oh twins.  I miss not having Kyle with us and all that Jack is missing by not having his little brother here.

Some days are really bad and I live in what-if land.  I'm sure most other Angel Baby mommies at least have a standing reservation here, maybe even a home away from home.

For an Angel Baby momma, living in the present is something that is very hard to do.  For myself it is something that still takes a considerable amount fo time to do.  But I do it.  If not for myself, for Jack.  I would miss so much if I wasn't there, in the present, with my personality filled 19-month-old.

Yoga -

Butterfly Pose - a basic beginner anyone can do.  It is great for taking time to relax and concentrate on being here, in the present. 

A website displaying the technique - Mastery of Meditation, Yoga and Zen or try this old blog post

   

Wordful Wednesday

You’ve seen Wordless Wednesday, well this is the opposite.  on Wednesdays in November I will answer some of the mass email forwards I have received.  Things like quizzes and 101 lists.

1.    What time is it? - 9:34 pm

2.    What's your full name? - Jack's Mommy 

3.    What are you most afraid of? - Right now, not being able to pay the bills and not being able to give my son the Christmas he deserves

4.    What's the most recent movie you've seen? - Princess and the Frog

5.    Where were you born? - A hospital

6.    Favorite food? - Pizza

7.    What's your natural hair color? - Brown

8.    Ever been skinny dipping? - Yes

9.    Love someone so much it made you cry? - Unfortunately

10.    Ever been in a car accident? - Yes, too many

11.    Croutons or bacon bits? - Croutons

12.    Ever been on a ship? - Yes

13.    Favorite Flower? - Iris

14.    Favorite day of the week? - Friday because I get Mommy/Jack time

15.    Favorite sport to watch? - NASCAR, well it used to be, but now it's just boring - Hockey!

16.    Warner Brothers or Disney? - Disney.  Well, wait, both.

17.    Favorite restaurant? - Quonset

18.    Favorite drink? - Coke
 

19.    Favorite ice cream? - Sherbert

20.    What color is your bedroom carpet? - None, hardwood.

21.    How many times did you fail your driver's test? - None

22.    Last person you went to dinner with? - Friends from work

23.    Favorite TV shows? - Too many.  Most crime dramas

24.    What do you want to do before you die? - I'm a mommy, that was my greatest wish

25.    Which came first, the chicken or the egg? - The chicken to make the egg?
                  
26.    Park or Zoo? - Hmmm, love animals, but always feel so sorry for them in the zoo.  Really like both.

27.    Have you been overseas? - Nope

28.    What do you do when you are bored? - Internet or read

29.    What are your favorite colors? - Blue

30.    Your usual Bedtime? - 10:00 p.m.

31.    How many tattoos do you have? - 3, but have the next two planned

32.    How many pets do you have? - 2 cats

33.    Time you finished this survey? - 9:45 p.m.

Today I . . .

Tuesdays posts are going to be about things I have changed, or done to improve something in my life.  For today, Tuesday, November 2, 2010 the change I made was. . .

Today I . . . did not have a Coke with my breakfast.

This may not seem like a big deal to some, but if you have read any of my previous posts you may know that I am planning on having gastric banding surgery by the end of the year.  For this I will not only need to cut out the caffeine from my diet - not a big deal since it's usually only a Coke in the a.m. - but I will need to cut out all soda - much bigger deal.

I love soda.  I love the way the carbonation burns going down your throat on the first sip when you are really thirsty.  There are web sites, blogs and fan sites dedicated to McDonald's Coke. 

I know I should not drink soda.  I know that it is nothing but sugar and calories and yummy, yummy carbonated goodness.  It is for the weight issue, and Type II diabetes that I long ago cut back the amount of soda I drink a day.  I pretty much only had 2 or 3.  But not that my surgery is rapidly approaching I have to cut it all out.  So starting today, no more Coke, Dr. Pepper, or any other carbonated beverage with caffeine.  I'll work on all soda another Tuesday  :-) 

I love Coke, but not sure I would ever take it this far

Not everyone loves a Monday, but everyone loves _____

I can't believe I am actually considering taking on a whole bunch of new things this month.  Something has happened within me.  A switch has flipped and I feel like the beginning of a month is a whole new beginning.  I spent a considerable amount of time looking for coupons for this week's shopping trip (I got he Saturday after payday for the next two weeks).  Something just got to me and I just have to find a way out of this hole I am in - even if I didn't get here by myself.  I probably shouldn't be sharing this since it is not my event to share, but for me it was the catalyst for the $ change - we officially went down to a 0 - that's zero! - car family today.  Personally I drive a truck lent to me by my father last year when he bought his new Yaris.  It's a long story that summed up goes a little something like this - lease was up on my truck, I was on strict bed rest, boys were born early, too much to think about and do, father took pity and kept his truck rather than trading in on his new purchase.  So that's how we went to a 1 vehicle family (I don't consider the truck mine since it's in my father's name and technically he could take it back).  Well, today the other vehicle we had, husband's car, got repossessed.  Another long story that I just cannot share right now - If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all.

Anyway, somehow I got on the trail of NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month).  I just did the 30 posts in 30 days challenge, and at first I was a little disappointed that I didn't wait until this month to do that.  Then I decided why not try it again.  I have my list of the seven days of the week and I have topics for each on that I plan to blog about.  Monday's topic will be -

Not everyone loves a Monday, but everyone loves _____

Today, Monday, November 1, 2010's love is a puppy in a costume.

How did this come about?  I was thinking "Everyone loves a puppy."  But I didn't want to just find cute pictures of puppies.  In honor of Halloween yesterday, I thought - Puppies in costumes.  So here we go

Not everyone loves a Monday, but everyone loves a puppy in a costume.

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Why cats don't wear costumes

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And not to be left out - Puppy costumes

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Heartbreak Joins Us

I don't know much about her.  I have never listened to her music.  But today I feel truly heartbroken and sad for Lily Allen.  You don't really need to know who she is or like her music to feel for her.  Chances are, if you have stumbled on to this blog all I have to tell you is that it was announced that Lily suffered a miscarriage six months into her pregnancy.

Lily's is a name that has stuck with me for some time - ever since it was announced in early 2008 that she had suffered a miscarriage.  I am not sure why, but this stuck with me.  I guess maybe because you don't really hear much about famous people having fertility issues or miscarriages.  In a world where people watch closely to see where Lindsey Lohan will be spending her holidays (jail, rehab, partying, or morgue) and if she'll be celebrating with Charlie Sheen, it's amazing that there is even a mention of something not remotely scandalous like a miscarriage.  I think as quickly as the miscarriage was announced, people forgot - I didn't forget.  When she got pregnant again this year there was hardly mention of the loss, in fact one article proclaimed - Lily Allen pregnant with first child.

Why do I bring this up?  Mainly because I feel so sorry for her, but also because I cannot imagine what it must be like to be faced with headlines proclaiming your body's betrayal for all the world to read.  True many of us Angel Baby mommas have blogs that we put out there for others to read and take solace in, but we don't have to face this news when opening the morning paper.

As I type this and look for more information (I am not sure why I do the later) I cannot help but think of Lily as one of us.  She was rushed to the hospital on Thursday.  Had she been planning on dressing for Halloween?  Perhaps painting her beautiful baby bump orange with triangle eyes and toothy jack-o-lantern grin?  Does she have a secret stash of Christmas presents for her son?  Cute gifts for daddy-to-be and grandparents to celebrate the new family member arriving early 2011?  Did she pray and bargain with God as she lay there too scared to even breather Thursday?  The answer to these and every question is irrelevant.  She is, again, an Angel Baby Mum.  My heart breaks for her.

I found a couple of stories mentioning a scare with this pregnancy and how she lived in fear - something all of us who have had a difficult pregnancy or have had a rainbow baby can appreciate.

From People Magazine (September 10, 2010):

“I had about a week and a half of really heavy bleeding and had to have lots of scans … I’ve been living in fear for the past three months.”

But not even health scares can deter Allen from wanting a family — a wish, she says, she’s had since childhood. “I’ve probably been saying it since I was seven!” she admits.

People Magazine (October 20, 2010):

Impending motherhood “became a lot more real” for Lily Allen when she learned the sex of her baby-on-the-way — a boy!

“You start to think of names, and then you can go shopping, and it all feels like it’s happening,” she confesses in the October issue of Stylist.

Allen feels her dreams have come true regardless the state of her career. “My goal in life is to have kids,” she insists.

“I’ve got a boyfriend I love to pieces. I’m having a baby who will hopefully be as beautiful as he is. I’ve got an amazing shop. I work with my sister and I’ve got a lovely house in the country,” she continues. “It certainly ticks all my boxes.”

Speaking late last year about her feelings following her first miscarriage, Lily admitted it was the "worst time of her life" because she repressed a lot of her emotions.

 

From femalefirst:

 

She explained: "I didn't even start beginning to deal with it until the baby's due date. Then it hit me like a house collapsing.

 

"The week before the due date, all I wanted to do was talk about my baby but I also felt I shouldn't. I was working non-stop and I had all this inside my head.

"I still get sad. I still think. I don't mark what would have been my baby's birth but it's always there. It changed a lot."

Info from web:
In September 2007, Allen began dating musician Ed Simons of the Chemical Brothers. In December 2007, Allen announced that she and Simons were expecting a child.  However, in January 2008, it was revealed that Allen had suffered a miscarriage.

Allen began dating Sam Cooper, the owner of a building company, in the summer of 2009. On 5 August 2010, Allen announced that she was pregnant with her and Cooper's first child, later confirmed to be a boy due early in 2011.  Allen's pregnancy involved early complications, including "about a week and a half of really heavy bleeding", leading her to tell The Sunday Times in September 2010 that she had "been living in fear for the past three months".  On 1 November 2010, Allen's publicist announced that the singer had suffered a second miscarriage, approximately six months into her pregnancy.